Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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