what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
