So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
