I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
