Your mouth is God's brothel.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she told me i tasted like america
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
