Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
