im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
