It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
