his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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