I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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