dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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