im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
