I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize