I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
