Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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