Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You work out of a Hotel?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
