you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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