I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
