Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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