need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Randomize
