I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
