i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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