it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
