when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
