Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
