My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
