What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
