yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize