I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
