bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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