A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
