obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
