she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
