you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
