The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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