i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
