Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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