Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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