I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
