The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just forgot I was standing up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
