I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
