You can't special order awesome
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sober January is a disaster.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm really busy with my period
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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