Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
