I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
