I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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