Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
