He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize