he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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