I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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