You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
