I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
