DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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