I hate all girls vehemently.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
