he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
organizing the empties. That sober.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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