I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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