Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
