pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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