The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
