Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
