I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
