she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
