So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
