"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
