Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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